At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
