Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
