id be glad to
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Randomize
