I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
