shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
