You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
