if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
