I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
