i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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