i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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