Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
