i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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