When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I will be naked everywhere
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize