I just made out with a guy for $7.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
