He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
