It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
