This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
