a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dick very happy bro
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
