one word: firstdatebathroomanal
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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