Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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