I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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