I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
