Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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