"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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