aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
