So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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