she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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