we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
