Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
