I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So squirting runs in the family.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
