I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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