unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
