At least make sure they are 18
Why
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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