Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
