Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
