I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
