i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
