I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
