Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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