Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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