My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
