do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
