he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
