i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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