Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
