Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Girls should come with a carfax report
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
