I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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