So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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