singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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