does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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