It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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