Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
