pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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