Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
