I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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